Obligatory Oscar Post

I live in L.A. so its written in your residency agreement that you have to either: a) watch the oscars; or b) be so sick of the whole oscar thing that you don't watch it but you bring up your not watching it in every conversation you have that weekend.

I go with option a) since there is no way I'd miss the red carpet. But, we're not going to talk about the dresses (though Jennifer Gardner is my new favorite actress). We're going to talk about L.A. oscar weekend and how to survive Oscar's hold on L.A.

Here are the rules:

1. Do not enter a high end beauty shop of any kind. I've broken this rule twice, this year being the second time. Though, neither time was at all intentional.

• First time: was my misguided attempt to fix a horrid hair cut years ago. This failed miserably btw and completely turned me against Vidal Sasson. But I did learn one very important lesson, if you ever see Bai Ling in your hair salon RUN, don't walk out the door.
• Second time: was due to an appointment I made four weeks ago, and no, I didn't have "Oscars" written in my day planner. My appointment went smoothly, as it always does because its a great place, but everyone there was completely stressed out because they were overbooked, going to clients homes after work and on their days off because of the Oscars. So, next year, I'll let the entertainment kids have my appointment, I can really wait another week.

2. Do not go anywhere near Hollywood. This is easy for me. I don't particularly enjoy that part of the city so I don't go there unless specifically invited or forced. However, tourists flock to Hollywood, which I've never understood. I've even tried to talk a few out of towners out of this mistake, but they seem to remain steadfast. But, here are a few observations of the obvious I feel the need to give tourists on this weekend:

• Although Hollywood is the technical home to entertainment, stars don't go their either. Well, they do, but not to the places the tourists can get into.
• You don't go to a part of the city that is COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN DUE TO AN EVENT. A little common sense folks.
• You're more likely to see a star at the aformentioned high end shops 0' beauty 'cause if the stars are running around Hollywood, they're in limos with an entire entourage surrounding them, so no, you won't get a glance of 'em.

3. Do drive anywhere *except* Hollywood. I don't think anyone truly understands how much of L.A. is fueled by the entertainment industry. You can drive the 405, 101 or any other freeway of doom and get around just fine on this particular weekend. Its bliss.