Bobbleheads

I want you to look at a movie poster for a movie that is coming soon. You can pick any one you like but it needs to have a female lead front & center.

Take a good look at her.

Yes, all of her.

Does the word bobblehead mean anything?

Seriously, actresses are looking more and more like bobbleheads and less and less like women. Is it a good thing to emulate Bratz dolls? Aren't those supposed to be charactertures? I mean, do these women eat? Is it a purely liquid diet? Do we have to work off EVERY calorie we consume? In our image obsessed culture with obesity gaining momentum on a daily basis, don't you think it would be a good idea for actresses to look like, well, people and less like skeletons? Give our youth an image of beauty to aspire to, not something that can never be attained without supervised starvation, personal trainers, and, most importantly, air brushes.

The movie poster that inspired this thought is the latest offering from teen queen Amanda Bynes called "She's the Man." (Lets hear it for Shakespeare once again translated poorly.) I see the damn poster everytime I venture down to the mall. Miss Amanda in her bobbleheaded glory greats my entrance. And everytime I see her, I want to offer her a sandwich. It can be on whole wheat; it can be low fat; it can be soy; it can be whatever she wants, just EAT SOMETHING. Food is your friend. You can look hot AND be healthy. Muscle tone is hot. Bone is not.

"So ends the lesson."

An Open Letter to the Woman in the Car Behind Me

Dear Lady,

I see you behind me. Don't worry. I know you're there. Its true, we're sitting at the light, waiting to make left turns. But while you're busy honking at me, I don't think you're noticing the oncoming traffic. Maybe you don't drive on this street very often. But, allow me to inform you that this isn't a busy street. In about 10 seconds, after these four cars have legally exited the intersection, I would be more than happy to turn left and there will be about 3 minutes of green light left for you to complete your left turn as well.

I see you in the lane beside me. Trying to pass me just for the sake of doing so is only going to get you to work .004 seconds faster. Besides, I drive my $12k car better than your $60k car so sadly, no, you can't pass me. Yes, that's right, get behind me again.

I see you work in my building. Congratulations. Its a nice place isn't it? I enjoy it here. Oh, you think you'll pass me by getting into another entry lane. That's nice. Did you not notice the two cars in that lane whereas mine is empty. If you had chosen my lane, you would have gained the .004 seconds you lost while trying to pass me. Oh well.

Ah, I see you're behind me again. I've already done some damage to my car on these walls so no, despite your best tailgating efforts, I'm not going to drive any faster down these spiral ramps.

There you go, cutting across our parking level doing about 55 in another effort to make up that .004 seconds you lost behind me. Please don't hit anyone. This is a busy time for people heading into work.

Have a nice day!

Sincerely,
me

Odd to think I care so much

OK, I figured it out. I finally realised why I dig "Grey's Anatomy" so much.

Its the new "Sex in the City."

Seriously. Its a bunch of single people working through their issues. Although the characters are smarter than you, better looking than you and more successful than you, you don't hate them because of all the stupid mistakes they make.

But you can relate to the stupid mistakes: the desire for acceptance, the need for love, the willingness to toss a wonderful friendship for the slight chance of something more, the reality of rejection, the fear of commitment. And I'm only talking about the single kids. The married ones don't have it any easier.

But that's life. There's no laugh track, no easy answers; no family crisis is resolved in thirty minutes. No matter how fabulous a life may look on the outside, nobody's life is as perfect as it seems. Everyone has drama. I guess its reassuring to watch someone else's.

I think we all want someone to love and accept us for who we are, no matter who we are, no matter what we do, what dark places we go to, no matter what mistakes we make or weaknesses or vulnerabilities we carry. That was the premise of "Sex in the City." Four very different, very single women looking for love.

Wow, reading over this, I'm thinking its best not to post until AFTER my first Diet Coke of the day. But I still love "Grey's Anatomy."

Restaurant Review - Red Rock Chili

Like Coral Tree Express, Red Rock Chili is located in the food court of Century City Mall. (www.redrockchili.com) If you're wondering why I keep reviewing restaurants in this food court: 1) you've obviously never been there; and 2) you missed the memo that I work in Century City. Nonetheless, this is a superior food court.

We went to Red Rock Chili for three reasons: 1. we needed a quick lunch; 2. its under 80 degrees outside; and 3. it was right in front of us.

To be completely honest, I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not a chili lover but this stuff was good. And for those calorie counters out there, its in the current Healthy Dining Guide. (No, I didn't know that before I went there.) So, you can have a tastey meal for under 500 calories. (You just have to skip the corn muffins. mmmm, corn muffins....) For anyone watching what they're eating, a meal out under 500 calories is nearly unheard of. And, they have vegetarian options. So, you can please even the most restricted of your cohorts.

Its cold out...go eat there.

Life in lala land: Dog Trainers

I've openly gushed about how much I love living in L.A. How your everyday life is truly a scene from the Surreal Life. Well, I have another one for you. Again, I present you with a problem you won't ever have to deal with living anywhere else.

Baddog #2 is living up to his true name and I'm now in search for a dog trainer. I think in any city it would be a challenge to find the right trainer. I mean there are so many different techniques to deal with dogs. I don't think any are right or wrong but it more depends on the personality of the owner, the dog and the trainer. In Baddog #1's case, we didn't have the right person. Since this is more important than simple ego building, I'm really trying to do as much research as I can to find the right person. Toss into that mix that baddog in question is a former track dog who lived at several different tracks (not to mention another country) before coming to me. So, that definately plays into the whole scenario.

I am now waist deep in this search and I have one question for you:

Why do ALL L.A. dog trainers' brag sheets look like a page from IMDB?

Seriously. I don't care what celebrity pooch you trained. I'm sorry I'm not impressed by someone who can housebreak a celebrity's purebreed lab puppies. (And I'm not kidding, I'll leave the details out, but one of the trainers bragged about a certain woman's dogs he trained; and I know for a fact they're all very sweet, very purebreed labs.) That's not an accomplishment, that's common sense. I don't care how many cd's you've made or what friends you have. I care about your dog training abilities.

Am I alone in thinking that your qualifications and truely difficult cases are most important? Is is silly of me to want to read about your approach and costs of said dog training?

Despite all of this, I think I've found someone. And she seems cool. Even if she does train some animals for movies.

Gotta love L.A.

Confessions of an Addict

This is a true story:

I left the house like any other day. Late. I have 9 minutes to get to work if I'm going to make it on time. Technically, the drive is only 2 miles, but standing between me and an on time arrival are: 2 miles, significant construction on Santa Monica Blvd., 1 parking garage, and 2 elevators.

I'm sitting at Beverly Glen and Wilshire and panic strikes. I DON'T HAVE MY CEL PHONE! Granted, I know exactly where it is...sitting next to the tv charging. So, its not like its lost or stolen or anything horrid like that. Its sitting happily at home, charging.

Now, I have 7 minutes to try to get to work on time.

Do I turn back?

You do realise how stupid this is, right? I work 2 MILES FROM HOME. I have complete internet access and my work phone. If my car were to suddenly stop moving, I could easily walk home to call AAA.

Seriously, this is a problem.

Luckily, the light was long enough for me to work through all of this and off I went to work. Of course, I was late but not as late as I would have been had I run back to get my phone.

And people wonder why I name my phones things like crack; its my habbit.

How to achieve world peace

Chocolate fountains.

Seriously, you can't argue or be angry with a chocolate fountain in the room. Go on, try it. Try to be angry or hungry or argue with a chocolate fountain next to you. You can't. The smell is intoxicating. Even if you don't love chocolate, you can't help but enjoy the relaxing hum of the fountain's motor.

With a plethora of treats in front of the fountain, you can make *everyone* at the party happy. Try that with just one cake or pie. You can have prezels for the salt-lovers, fruit for the granola kids, rice crispie treats for me (and no, I'm not sharing), marshmellows (from Williams Sonoma, only the BEST marshmellows EVER), graham crackers and anything else you can think of to dip in chocolate.

Now that I have the tool, how do I use it effectively to achieve world peace? That's the tough part of my discovery.

***

And, as an aside, another discovery I made with the fountain while I was cleaning it: there is NOTHING sexy about melted chocolate all over you. You have to really work to get this stuff off and it gets everywhere and you can't just wash your hands and wipe them off on a towel. Oh no, that chocolate is hanging out. Its not going anywhere. I understand the concept of how this could be sexy, but without getting graphic about personal preferences, I'm thinking no. I'd file this under that thing you did that sounded like a really fabulous idea at the time, but in real life, just a bad plan.

Unless its used in really small amounts. Now that I think about it, that could be a good idea. But I was just covered in it, and there was just nothing sexy about that.

People don't change

Its often said but I completely disagree.

In my opinion, people DO change. I've changed. I'm definately not the same as I was when I was 17. I think its more peoples' perceptions don't change. If you were seen as a geek in high school but now you're a total hottie, the kids from high school will only see the geek.

I think people hold onto the memories and the perceptions they're most comfortable with. I think that's why everytime I see someone I haven't seen for a few months they're convinced I've lost weight. If they were to say it today it would be true. But, in years past, when I maintained the *exact* same weight, they still remembered me heavier than the girl standing in front of them. I guess its easier to remember the fat girl. J.D. in "Heathers" was right, the extreme always makes an impression. And its the extreme that is held onto.

Even if the geek turns into a hottie, I guess the geek is easier and more comfortable to remember.

Ask Jenna: Sports Bras

This blog was begun because at my last job I was the one who was asked all the random questions. If someone had a random question, they were directed to me. Don't ask me why. I can't tell you. But I did start to share the random questions.

And then the firm split.

And then the nice people who asked me questions left.

So I was questionless.

That's why the blog is as it is today.

Because there are no questions.

Today, I got a question:

Q: Any tips on great sports bras for the well endowed?

A: There is only one place: Lucy. (www.lucy.com)

I don't know where you crazy kids will be shopping this weekend but there are 2 in L.A., Santa Monica & Studio City. I've heard NOTHING but raves about the people who work at the Santa Monica store and that comes from several different women.

You can shop online but their main strength is helping people out in person and their bra selection is rumored to be the best out there. The SM location is:

1230 montana avesanta monica, ca 90403 310.255.9994

Studio City is:

12178 ventura blvdstudio city, ca 91604 818.761.0146

What Not To Do: when you're trying to make up with someone

This is the second installment of my "What Not To Do" series. You're probably saying to yourself, wow, I'm not familiar with this series. That's ok. The first installment in this series was posted on 9/10/05, originally entitled: "Random: CL Boys Scare Me." But, in the spirit of this series, I'll rename that post as soon as I toss this one up.

This little gem was inspired last month by not only my own experience but also that of a co-worker. So, enjoy.

***

I'm a student of humanity. I love to watch people. They're so fascinating because they're so stupid. Every now and again I'm properly motivated to write a "what not to do" list. Now, in my opinion, if I’m writing it, then its amazingly obvious information that, in my opinion, should occur to everyone. But, sadly it does not.

Here's my what not to do when you're trying to make up with someone:

1. Don't blame them: If you lied to someone and they caught you, apologize. Don't keep going on & on that you didn't do anything wrong. If you hurt someone's feelings, say that you're sorry and move on. Don't make excuses 'cause they don't want to hear it. On the off chance that it is their fault and you want to reestablish the relationship, blaming them isn't going to reestablish that relationship. However, if they're not talking to you, even if you don't think its your fault, it probably is.

2. Don't ignore the problem: Ok, so now you’re not talking, what do you do? Something. Flowers, chocolate, singing telegrams, skywriting, doesn't really matter. But, ignoring the problem only makes it worse because then you look like the dick you really are, and that's probably not the image you're trying to build.

3. Don't get annoyed if the person doesn't forgive you immediately: Ok, you did something stupid. We've established that. Damn it you said sorry and that should make everything better. Uh, no, that's not how it works. For you to be sorry, you have to mean it. Usually that entails dealing with what you've done immediately (see #2) and moving on. So, if you did ignore the problem, you're not going to be forgiven immediately. Or, if you did something amazingly stupid, then it takes time for the other person to get over it. I know, you would get over it, but this person isn't you. So you’re going to need to be kind & patient with the other person and deal with the issue on their terms. (I know this is a stretch.)

4. Don't call and leave pathetic voicemails: "Well, I guess I'll talk to you when you want to talk to me" is the absolute wrong attitude. You screwed up, why would the other person want to talk to you. You have to make them want to talk to you (see #1). Do something nice for them.

5. Don't ignore birthdays/holidays/life changes: Ok, so Christmas came & went, their birthday came & went and you didn't contact them to wish them a good day or say you're sorry. Now you've just annoyed them more. If you've upset someone, take the time to fix it before the holiday. By ignoring it, all you're telling them is that you don’t want to deal with them.

6. Don't try to make the other person feel sorry for you: Had a rough year? Got the flu? Dumped by the significant other? That's nice, deal with it on your own. Trying to obtain pity from the person who's annoyed at you isn't the best plan. They don't care if you got the flu. If you got dumped by your girlfriend, they will probably just figure that karma is paying you back for how you treated them. But, pity will not push them to forgive you. All you're doing is elevating yourself above the other person in saying your problems are more important than theirs (probably how you got into this situation in the first place). Besides, you don't have a clue what the other person is going through. You got the flu? Maybe they were in the hospital? You got dumped? Maybe they lost a loved one? Just for one brief moment stop thinking that the world revolves around you. Other people have problems so stop dumping your issues on them.

7. Don't ignore what the other person has told you: If they ask you to stop doing something, stop doing it. Don't continue figuring that it'll work itself out. It won't. Or, if you discussed the situation and the other person told you what it would take to make it right, here's a bright idea, do that. If they told you to call, call. If they told you to care, care. Ignoring conversations, letters, and any other hints that may come your way would be known as a bad plan, don't do that.

Just putting a thought into the world

If anyone is looking for a friend to accompany them to the Getty villa, I'm in! According to the website, they are sold out until July. That's alot of tickets. Obviously someone has them. And, Obviously, I'm not that someone. Wanna share? I really want to go. Afraid the person you had in mind won't appreciate the villa? I will. Help me, help you.

Also, as a cruel joke, fate allerted me to the Grey's Anatomy event at the Museum of Television and Radio. Again, sold out. Why do I have to be this cool? Why must I enjoy what others also find enjoyable? Very upsetting. So, just in case B is having her birthday party on another day, if you happen to have a spare ticket to the Grey's Anatomy event on 2/28, I'm so there.

Adventures of Baddog

Ok, she looks sweet and innocent. You might even feel sorry for her when you see her gimping around the house. But, don't be fooled, for she is the Baddog.

This has been a stellar two weeks in the adventures of baddog. There was the bag of dried apples and the LARGE kitchen knife episode. Then, we had the perfume incident. Last night, I thought she pulled her final trick with the 4lbs of frozen chicken in the living room but I was wrong. This morning, upon my return from the gym, I found my container of breadcrumbs missing. Of course I found them quickly strewn about like confetti with baddog just lying there, pretending that she didn't understand why I was standing there.

See, that's baddog's true genius. She looks at you like she doesn't have a clue but really she's formulating her next mission. She may not sit or stay on command but she can figure out any treat filled puzzle you toss at her or, in the cases listed above, left on the kitchen counter. Proper motivation is baddog's m.o. and food is definately a proper motivator.

What will baddog do next....stay tuned!